Je · voudrais · pouvoir · éclore

Wednesday, November 16th, 2005

Marisa: and i don't see how someone would think caring like you do is creepy
Moi: a lot of times i wish i had more to offer than love
Marisa: love is the best thing in the world to offer.
Moi: like, be really funny, someone who others like to be around b/c they're fun, y'know? or really intelligent, someone to discuss things with and stuff... or... yeah.... idk
Moi: sometimes i feel like love is not enough
Marisa: everyone has something different of offer.
Marisa: *to
Marisa: and i mean, not many people love like you do.
Marisa: there are millions of people in the world to discuss intelligent things with
Marisa: but honestly [my name], i don't think there is anyone in the world like you. you love, you're not afraid to show that love, and you give it willingly. and i feel like in the short few months we've been friends, you've changed my life a lot. i mean, i have always been a loving person, but i feel like by knowing you, i've learned to be thankful about everything life has to offer and that it's okay to show love.
Moi: oh my gosh!!!
Moi: i feel very touched right now
Moi: really
Moi: OH MY GOSH!!!
Marisa: :)
Marisa: it is entirely true

Luther: your so nic
Luther: e
Luther: i wish all the world was filled with your kindness
Luther: you could stop wars
Luther: and poverty

Sunday night she called to tell me not to go to the Monday night meeting, which she hosts at her house. I heard that part of the phone call, but, distracted, I didn't really hear anything else, including the explaination of why. I just threw out a lot of okays; "Okay, bye." I hung up. Wait, did she say she hurt her back? I called back. The line was busy. Must be calling the others to let them know the meeting this week is cancelled. I called back again. The line was still busy. I tried one more time. I grew impatient and jumped in the car and made my way to her house. I arrived. I knocked. I waited. No answer. The lights were on. I could hear her husband speaking. I knocked again. Again I waited. No answer. I took out my cell phone and called her. She picked up. "Could you please come open the door?" I asked. "I'm at your house." Opening the door, amusement on her smiling face, she called me silly.

Today at work, I was in drive-thru and a lady was handing me money when a wind out of nowhere blew one of the dollar bills out of her hands and it floated down to the ground. "Oh, don't worry, I got it," I said and without hesitation and to her great surprise, before she could open her car door to even attempt to get it, I jumped out of the drive-thru window. "You're silly!" she exclaimed, laughing, much amused. I retrieved the dollar and hopped back into the store. "I wasn't gonna tip, but after that show..."

I just wanted to make a declaration of my gratitude for silliness and my possession of it.

Yay for being silly!

Twenty-four. There are twenty-four hours in a day. Out of the sixteen (give or take) waking hours, I'm amazed how the best part of my day can have the brief duration of only seconds. A mere instant.

As she quickly started to walk away in the opposite direction, I caught up with her. How rude of me not to have said anything back when she wished me a good weekend.

"Could you give something to your daughter for me?" I asked.

"Sure," she replied curiously as she halted her hasty step.

I placed my left hand on the right side of her face as I simultaneously imparted a kiss on her left cheek. "Aww..." she murmured as she clasped her hand around my wrist and gave it an affectionate squeeze. That simple gesture of reciprocated love caused the collapse of the dam, allowing the comforting warm waters of my heart to fervently rush out into my chest, spill into my abdomen, splash up into my head, and trickle down my arms and legs to my fingertips and toes, filling my whole body with loving jubilation. And I looked at her, and in that fraction of a second that ours eyes suspended that bridge of which words need not fare to get feelings across, her smiling face radiated a genuine and organic emotion, real and pure. It was heartfelt. She had been touched. This touched me. Such simple actions, yet they produced such an enormous effect.

I could not ask for more than just one moment like this one everyday. One moment, no matter how brief or fleeting, that brightens my whole day. One moment that fills me with so much love and gratitude that I couldn't see the world and the gift of life as anything less than precious and beautiful and walk away smiling inside and out.

It was on Monday when I met her. A tiny little five year old girl named Madeleine. With her curly reddish hair in pigtails, her angel face, and shy but friendly personality, she captured my heart the moment I embraced this precious creature in my arms. She was as light as my heart had become and it wanted to lift me to my feet to spin her around in a twirling rush of glowing joy and love. But my head was too light to think straight and I had just met the darling after all. But that still didn't stop me from giving her a kiss on each cheek. In that adorable voice, in that adorable manner, she spoke to me, only a few words, and I fell in love with her even more. She was all things wondrous and miraculous in a single soul behind soft eyes not quite grey, not quite blue, not quite green, but lovely all the same. Being with her was like having the answer suddenly dawn on me but not being able to verbalize it because of being so in awe, so happy, and so completely surrounded by a beauty only felt, that all I had the desire to do was love.

I wish the time I shared with her could have been more than a blurred and rushed moment. But I will see her again and we'll twirl up into the pure blue sky to slide down jubilant rainbows of incandescent colors and nestle in fluffy, white, cotton candy clouds. There I'll hold her close as we read a storybook and the velvet cloak of night gently sweeps across the sky to reveal a myriad of stars that twinkle like sparkling diamonds. Then I'll softly stroke her silky-smooth back as I, softly singing, lull her into a peaceful slumber of sweet dreams.

Nick T.: but what a loving and fiercely nice letter
Moi: lol
Nick T.: you're an American amelie poulain
Moi: THAT WOULD BE. SO. AWESOME.
Nick T.: your dedication to observing the small nicities of life, and your loving eye for humanity, evokes Jean-Pierre Jeunet's classic character on a variety of levels.
Moi: wow, even blazed you say the best things
Nick T.: hahahaha gracias
Moi: that completed my night, thank you, nick.
Nick T.: no prob
Nick T.: well ima go take a blazed shower
Moi: hahahaha
Nick T.: they're the best kind of showers, you know
Moi: ^_^
Moi: how so?
Nick T.: feelings of intense warmth radiate across your body lovingly
Moi: WOW
Moi: that DOES sound nice
Nick T.: and that's just getting ready for the shower!
Nick T.: lol
Moi: LOL
Moi: amuse-toi bien@
Moi: !*
Nick T.: ouais, tu aussi!
Moi: merci!
Moi: a plus!